I am the Lord thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt. Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. (Psalm 81:10)

But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.” (Ezekiel 2:8)

Moreover He said to me, “Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel.” ² So I opened my mouth, and He caused me to eat that scroll. (Ezekiel 3:1- 2)

I had a dream today and at first not all of it was making sense but, when I woke up and started recording what I had seen and experienced it started making sense.

I dreamt I was in a building looking for a certain room, there was supposed to be an event there and I had arrived for my part in it. The place was very large and the part I was in was kind of dark, maybe because it was backstage.  I didn’t see too many people as I walked around trying to find where I was supposed to be, but I did pass a big hall with lots of red velvet, comfortably lined up seats like a movie theater, I guessed that’s where the event would be held.

Some people had arrived early to get good seats but for the most part we were hours away from starting. I was looking for an organizer to help me but I still hadn’t seen anyone yet, then I heard someone calling saying “Celestial go in that room – yes, the one you’re in front of right now- that’s where the others are waiting. We’ll come and get you when we need you.”

So I turned to the door and stepped in the room which turned out to be a pastors lounge. Very nicely done, some couches, chairs, one big conference table with a man sitting there seriously going over some papers, and two other men were in there. All of them were pastors, all of them older than me and the one at the table significantly older- his beard had already turned white and his choice of suit was black plaid in an older style, with the oversized suit jacket and wide-legged pants.

When I came in I didn’t say anything because I had had a vision right away, in fact as I was opening the door I had the vision and at times it can be disconcerting because… a vision is a moving scene for me, though sometimes it can be one or more still image, and other times there can be words on top of the pictures or moving scene. All that at once means you’re seeing two realities at the same time – the vision and real life- it requires focus to pay attention to both. So this is what I saw.

As I turned to the door the voice had told me “Go in there until we’re ready for you”, I saw many men and women in the room already. They were all the most famous and well-know pastors from America’s pastoral lineage. It was like a ‘Who’s Who’ of the known, well-known, super well-known, and the greats, all the pastors who are easily recognized either by face, by name, or by the size of their ministry and accomplishments over the years. Whoever you want to think of or name was there. They were packed in there talking and laughing loudly, I saw lots of top-quality dental work flashing on display as they laughed at one another’s jokes and greeted each other.

So much camaraderie, “Hey there I know you, long time!” They were all happy to see each other.

I saw a lot of jewelry: Expensive rings, watches and bracelets, gold chains, accessories- and the inside of the room I was looking at in the vision was plenty different from what I actually walked into. The women were mostly wearing this dress that irritates me so much, all the weather-women wear it, the wraparound bandage dress that Kim Kardashian made famous.

Even older ladies who are not flattered by that dress style because of their age were wearing it, though some tried to camouflage the style’s revealing nature by adding a scarf or that thing women throw across one shoulder, a pashmina. A lot of mile-high pointy heels most of them, clouds of perfume drifting by when a woman walked past and all that. The room was full and busy.

On the table food was being served, but all I saw were two meals only. Bread and cake. Not many varieties of both either, almost all of it seemed to be of the nourishing “brown” variety. Brown cakes- pound cake, ginger spiced cake, the kind of cake that bakes brown in the end and looks a lot like bread, and also there were many different brown varieties of bread. The guests ate this stuff willy-nilly and couldn’t seem to get enough of it and I thought (seeing the vision) “It would be nice to have a slice of brown bread and a slice of ginger cake. I think I may just have that with tea as I wait.”

I realized I’d been standing outside the door for a while (because of the vision), so I took a deep breath and said, Well. I’m here now. I belong here. I was invited and told to come and be in the pastor’s lounge. That’s what they said so I belong here, God put me here, and here I am.

Then I open the door and instead of that busy, glittery scene of so many famous pastors I see a room that looks like a modest lobby area of an okay, 2-star hotel. None of the shiny people were in that room, it didn’t look like a fantastic lounge like before and the food table I’d seen was was totally gone. There were just three male pastors sitting on different furniture from what I’d seen in the vision, no food, and none of them was talking to the other.

In the vision (I was still having it even when I entered the room), all the fancy people disappeared and cleaners came in to straighten up. There was still a bit of brown bread and a bit of spiced cake on that vision table, but in my world there was nothing. I watched sadly as the cleaners cut the last of the bread and cake and ate it, then they cleaned the room and left. When I saw the last bread and cake be eaten I felt a strange pain that I did not understand, that I was being denied something I should have had a part of. I felt like something has passed me by but I didn’t know what.

In real life, two of the pastors were riveted to a very large TV mounted on the wall of the lounge, and to social media. They were a “happy” about what they were watching but mostly shocked by the revelations that were coming out on TV and social media. One pastor watched TV while the other used his phone. Both of them were watching scandal after scandal after scandal of pastors around the world being exposed, with the greatest number of them being in the United States.

I stood in the middle of the lounge watching what was on TV, it seemed like an exclusive pastor scandal-breaking news channel. There’s no other way to describe it. I saw pastors being arrested butt naked, put in handcuffs naked as the day they were born, with nothing but a privacy dot on the front of their bodies to protect viewers. They were brought out in public naked because of the crimes they were being arrested for.

Some were protesting – “No! This is all a mistake, you don’t understand!”– while most knew they were busted and kept quiet as they went to police cars. Not every body was naked. I looked at what was going on with this… this flat feeling inside me as pastors sex tapes were played on TV and social media. On TV because there’s no way to know who’s watching, the newscasters said: ‘Viewer discretion is advised’, but on social media the uncut version of the things pastors had been caught in and exposed for was freely available for anyone to see.

It was just continuous footage of spiritual leaders and pastors doing and being involved in the most wicked things, and both of the pastors in the room watching had this kind of gleeful reaction – but they tried to keep it in check. These men were happy to see the others go down, their relief and satisfaction was like “Finally! Finally, yes, it’s finally happening, there is justice at last.”

The older man at the table paid no attention to any of that. He was working on a sermon and balancing his church accounts at the same time. He made meticulous checks on both and did not look up at any of us. I turned back to the TV as a new segment of a naked black pastor came on and then I heard-

“Young lady, if you’re going to smoke in here you can’t be here. You can’t smoke in this room.”

I turned to the older man and said “What, sir? I don’t smoke. I am not smoking in here.”

He seemed puzzled for a bit, shook his head and said, But there’s a smell of cigarettes in here.

I felt sorry for him and said, Sir, this room has smelt of cigarettes for a good long time. It was the first thing I noticed when I got in here. The scent has always been here, you only noticed it now. He nodded and seemed satisfied with my answer, and went back to his work

And that’s when I noticed a single jar of peanut butter sitting on the end of the table, next to a chair made ready for me. One chair by itself, with peanut butter in front of it. I went to my chair and sat down and I knew, This is my food. This is what God has for me. I don’t get bread. And I don’t get cake. I get peanut butter. Something that is so hard to chew, difficult to swallow, and can choke you if you eat too much of it too fast. This is what God thinks is good for me. I still felt sad but, I accepted what God has prepared for me.

I took the lid off and put two massive spoonfuls on a small side plate, and started eating my food while waiting for the event to start and do whatever it is I had come to do.